A Lovelit Sky
by tearsofbreakingglass
Summary: Grappling with the recent death of his beloved Old Fritz, Prussia finds himself running away from his emotions in Vienna. He winds up before Hungary, all his emotions pouring lose in his vulnerability.


_Vienna, 1786. _

Prussia had never been more alone. It had been two months since his beloved king had died, two months since he had to watch Frederick be laid to rest, two months of nonstop aching. He'd become zombie-like, moving through each day in a haze. In Berlin he found himself completely alone. All of Frederick's closest friends died before him and his family hadn't been sorry to see him go, leaving Gilbert to mourn by himself. He tried burying himself in his work to take his mind off things or traveling throughout Brandenburg to escape his ghost, but it was impossible. There were remnants of Frederick everywhere in the kingdom. Home was no longer safe.

His quest to escape had led him south into Austria. By the time he was in Vienna, he had begun feeling a bit better. There were no painful memories here, no past to torment him as he tried to forget. His feet carried him to Roderich's house, his body operating on autopilot. He only fully grasped where he was once he was standing below Roderich's bedroom window. Gilbert looked around, silently cursing himself. The place was so big, he could probably break in to rest for the night without being noticed. But what was the point if he didn't see...? His heart lurched. He needed company.

Gilbert began throwing pebbles against the window, praying to Fritz that the right person would notice. A flash of brown hair. His breathing caught in his throat. He stood frozen, waiting to be discovered. Even if he wanted to flee, his feet found themselves cemented to the grass.

Erzsébet appeared before him in a sheer nightgown. His heart jumped to his feet and he stared like an idiot. "Gilbert, what are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." She examined him closely. His eyes were far away, his hair and clothes disheveled, and there was a slight tremor to him. "Are you okay?"

He tried to communicate but found it difficult to speak without breaking down right there. He weakly shook his head. "Come on, there's a bench back here we can sit on." She took his hand and led him deep into the garden. "Did you walk the whole way here? Does anyone know where you are?" His silence was telling. Erzsébet closed her eyes and shook her head. She was in for a long night.

Eventually, Gilbert regained his power of speech. "Aren't you cold?" If he focused on her, he wouldn't have to deal with his own pain. If he could take care of her then maybe he would begin to feel like a man again instead of an empty husk.

"You shouldn't be worrying about me." Her voice was stern where it normally would've been tender. "Don't deflect, you look awful. What happened to you?"

He began fidgeting his hands, staring at them intently. "The old man died. No one seems to care but me. There was a small formal mourning period, but then it was back to work like nothing happened." He sneered at the ground, the memory leaving a bitter taste within him. "The greatest man I've ever known, who I loved like a father, dies and they expect me to embrace my new king? To pretend like everything's wonderful and nothing dear to me was lost? It's disgusting, it's treacherous."

Hungary tried to be understanding but couldn't wrap her mind around being this upset over a human. They _died_, it's what they did. Why would that be so shocking this time? "Did you really expect him to live forever? You had to know this was coming, I can't imagine how old he was." She saw his grimace and quickly attempted a change of strategy. "Regardless, I am sorry for your loss. I suppose even knowing what's inevitable doesn't make it easier when you truly care for them." While she hadn't experienced such a loss, she remembered how hard Roderich was hit by the death of Maria-Theresa. It was the only frame of reference she had.

Prussia sniffed, offended. "Of course I knew this would happen. How stupid do you think I am? It wasn't something I ever tried to prepare for since it was something I tried to never think about." He looked up at the stars and frowned. "I only realized how alone I'd been till I was with him. Now that he's gone, the loneliness hurts even worse. I have no one back in Berlin who cares for me." He rolled his eyes. "Well, they care for Prussia, but they could give a damn about Gilbert."

She took his hand and squeezed it gently. "I think you're being a bit melodramatic. I'm sure there's plenty of people back home wondering where you ran off to. I'd be surprised if Brandenburg wasn't worried."

"Brandenburg keeps to himself. He cares for me as long as it means I'm doing all the work and he can do whatever he wants in his castle." He shook his head. "My generals only like me when I'm holding a weapon. My ministers tolerate me at best. Most of the royal family views me more as the immortal family pet, which isn't exactly said with any warmth."

Silence settled between them, only the calls of owls filled the air. Erzsébet felt a pain for Gilbert. She could understand the sense of isolation such a life would bring. There certainly were parallels with her current home life, but at least she had people outside she could talk to. She often traveled to Warsaw to catch up with Feliks or to feel that her company was appreciated by someone. She faintly remembered Gilbert being close to Francis but couldn't imagine that friendship being very secure after the most recent wars.

He sensed her pity and tried to compensate for it. "I write letters to Ivan and still keep up a correspondence with Antonio. I've got some friends, even if I'm going years between seeing them. Please don't worry about me." He faked a smile that convinced neither of them. Giving up, he sighed and kissed the top of her head. "I've got you. I've always had you, Erzsi." It was the first sign of genuine happiness she'd seen in him the whole night.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Their eyes met and a warmth spread throughout his body. It all made sense now. They'd been by each other's side for centuries, through immense highs and lows. Whenever he felt too weak to continue, he'd always found his way to her and she would always revive his spirits. There was no one else he was able to trust with the most intimate parts of himself. He'd never been able to confide in Ivan and Antonio - and certainly not that bastard France - like he was able with her. Being with Erzsébet was so freeing, it was intoxicating. It had always been the one thing he'd wanted more than anything else in this world, and the one thing he could never quite achieve for himself. His recent loss was making him vulnerable and he couldn't stop himself. "I love you, Erzsi." Gilbert cursed himself, wanted to take it back and couldn't. "I've loved you for so long." He bit his tongue, trying to prevent himself from repeating the words like a lunatic.

Erzsébet's body tensed up. She averted her eyes from his, focusing on the bush in front of them. What he was saying didn't surprise her, but it was the last thing she wanted to hear. If he admitted his feelings, that changed things for them. They had been having an affair for some time now, but it had remained purely physical with no deeper emotions. At least, she deluded herself that that's all it was. She'd known when she proposed the damn thing to him that he'd been enamored with her since they were children and, while she had a childhood crush on him as well, she pretended that she'd outgrown it. She refused to acknowledge that she imagined Gilbert falling asleep besides her at night, that she replaced Roderich with Gilbert when they had sex (it certainly wasn't making love!), that she didn't feel a magnetism around Gilbert when they were in a room together. Erzsébet was married, she couldn't allow herself to feel love for another man. It would make everything even more complicated.

So Erzsébet sat there, stiller than a statue, all this running through her mind while Gilbert poured his heart out to her like a lovesick moron. She bit her thumb, hoping the pain would force her to focus on anything else. She should've stayed in bed. If she'd ignored him, Gilbert would've been forced to leave eventually. None of this would've happened, they could've gone on as they always did. Eventually, he stopped talking. Erzsébet allowed herself to look at him again once he was silent. He was staring at her expectantly. She supposed she did have to speak to him. "What do you want me to say?"

"What do you think I want you to say?" She winced. His exasperation made sense. "I definitely don't want you to ask a stupid question like that!"

"Love is complicated." She felt his expectations boring down on her. Erzsébet sighed. "I think you're exhausted. How can you be so sure of yourself without being rested?"

"If you don't love me, say so. I'll be able to handle it." They both knew that was a lie. In his current state, he wouldn't be able to handle much more emotional upset.

"I'm married. I love my husband." Another lie. The expression on his face called her out. "Alright, I don't love Roderich. What good does me openly loving you do? It won't bring any of us closure. It's a pointless thing to say when loving you brings no joy." She paused, realizing she might have revealed too much. "_Hypothetically_ loving you."

He caressed her cheek with his hand, smiling when she subconsciously leaned into his touch. "Because if we can't be together always, we can enjoy what time we do have together more. And then, no matter what, I know you'll always have me in your heart and I'll always have you in mine. Nothing could ever take that away from us." He kissed her forehead. "All I need is to know that, no matter how things may have to be, you'll always be mine, you'll always be the one I can turn to."

She closed her eyes, wrestling with her emotions in her mind. How lovely it all sounded, how easily she could picture it. It would be so easy, to slip into these fantasies and never come out. But reality nagged at her. In the real world, in the space she currently occupied, any happiness was fleeting. Any happiness was liable to be taken away from her. "He'll find out. What we're doing now upsets him enough, but he sees no reason to try and destroy it because there's no romance. I'm afraid that even if I whisper my feelings to you, the wind will pick them up and carry them to his ear." She shivered, the very thought chilling her to her bones. "Things are difficult for me, Gilbert. They're difficult in ways you can't quite understand. I can't be so free in my words."

"Then say so with your actions." He kissed her, his movements filled with desperation and longing. He wanted her, needed her, to confirm his feelings. To know he wasn't alone in his adoration. Despite her silent protestations, she returned his affection. Her heart cried out to her to say it, say it,_ say it._ She wanted him to understand the conflicting nature of her desires and responsibilities. They parted and her eyes were filled with such ardor that it took his breath away. "I love you, Erzsi. You're my one constant. I would do anything for you, set the world on fire if you desired it. Anything you ask-"

She put a finger to his lips, shushing him. She quivered in anticipation. "What I want is for you to kiss me like that again and don't ever stop."

He complied. That night, they slept underneath the stars and within each other's arms. It was the best rest Gilbert had gotten in months.


End file.
